Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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