Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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