Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
