wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
