Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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