He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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