he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
