I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
