And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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