So drunk its hurt
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
