Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
