A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
