some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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