hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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