I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Someone came in the potted fern
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
