I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
