dude i'm inner monologue high
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
