I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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