That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
