Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
