Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
