I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
