I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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