I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
