the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
