I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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