At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
