The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
