what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
