You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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