if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i out mim tonsoeep
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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