The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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