Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
