Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
