I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
