Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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