god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
