if i died would you start the facebook group?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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