dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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