Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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