Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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