Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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