You're so nebulous sometimes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
