you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
