I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
