ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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