Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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