Umm I'm too high to move.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
