flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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