U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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