I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
