So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
