I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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