I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
