Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
