no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
