I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
