I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
