i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
