i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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