I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
