I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
