just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
