god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
