her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
