i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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