I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
