I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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