I'm going to jail i love you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
